A year ago today, Jeff found me crying on the floor inside our guest bedroom walk-in closet. I was reading my Grandma’s Bible (the one she left me when she passed), looking for SOME sort of comfort. It was a new year, and I had SO expected to be pregnant by 2017. I’d just discovered that we weren’t pregnant for the 12th month in a row, and the aching pain was overwhelming. We decided that night to (finally) make an appointment with a fertility specialist.
Going to that first appointment was one of the scariest things I’ve ever done. It’s a funny feeling… you’re terrified that they’ll find something wrong with you. And at the same time, you WANT them to find something so that they can fix it. I worried that the doctor would refuse to help us because I was too old or overweight (real talk). I worried that he may tell us that we would never have children. But Dr. Honore PROMISED at that first appointment (as he held my hand) that he COULD and WOULD help us. Seven months later, he made good on his promise. We were FINALLY pregnant.
I don’t know why our journey to have a family was such a difficult one. But I do know this…. the whole experience taught me so much about trusting God with the unknown. Being classified as a “high risk” pregnancy = LOTS of anxiety. But every time I’m stressed about the pregnancy or the health of our little girl, I remember what He brought us through in the last year. Sometimes I forget how far we have come.
So today, as I remember the pain and fear of January 17, 2017… I also remember this day as the beginning of what would turn out to be the best year of my life. And I am so, so thankful. -Kaylinn